Tom Waits is On Twitter. Plus: Another Day Down on the Ranch

Commercials are an unnatural use of my work, ... It's like having a cow's udder sewn to the side of my face. Painful and humiliating.

Which is just about how I feel, working for these bloody cowboys. Yesterday, The Muppet phoned me to ask about reports for the Aeronautical University students. I said that I could do them, but would need a day and a half.

"How will it take all that time?"

"There were 56 of them."

"But that's... 15 minutes each - to tick a few boxes!"

"There's more to writing reports than ticking boxes."

"Look, Garry, I don't want this to become an issue, but..."

Bottom line is, kiss my fat, hairy, white Geordie arse. I'm not ticking boxes to produce faked reports.

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